Tag Archive | Humour

Confessions of a Sour Gummy Worm Addict

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I, Michel Donald Servant have had a long and shameful addiction to sour gummy worms. The higher the potency the greater the rush. Only the strongest worms laced with nano sour additives can keep me grounded. In Canada, the 87.6 grams of sugar in a 180 gram hit of Dare Sour Neon Wigglers shoot me straight into a sugar induced coma and keep me craving more. Feeling fructose and glucose being absorbed deep into my system is better than Christmas. The fear of Type 2 diabetes pales in comparison to the withdrawal symptoms. My addiction has only worsened in South Africa, after a chance discovery of the superior strength and premium quality Sour Jelly Creepalots manufactured by the candy cartel – Maynards. In Africa everything is more raw. Day in day out, I kick back 125 gram doses like tick-tacks firing up the lion in me. I’ve lost count of near overdoses but surprisingly I’m most concerned about the vicious African barking spiders my addiction seems to have infected me with. Completely powerless to the addiction, I’ve been rendered a slave to the backstreet candy lords of the world. I’m in need of sour gummy rehab for I fear spending my entire savings and selling a kidney to fund my next shot of sour gummies. Surely this is no way to treat a temple. This is a desperate call for help. Should there be any other souls out there wishing to break the cycle lets join our strength and kick this filthy habit for our health and our families.

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